MY DEAREST BOY

2009-04-03T01:21:00.000-07:00

Yo!! Back to blogging.. Sorry this few weeks no time to post lorh.. Busy working. My whole body very pain lorh.. Yesterday night after work, first go meet sister and huiling. Than after that, me and sister go meet sw at her house.. Than we ride bike go valerie house ton lorh.. Wa the house very nice and big lorh.. !!! After that we play poker for awhile.. Wa very tired..!! Than valerie take all the matress out to let us sleep... I sleep until like pig lorh.. Because even my house people call me, i also never wake up and answer the call.. 12 plus wake up.. Than eat breakfast at valerie house.. Than ride bike to simei ite there.. Than all the way we ride back to ubi.. Go sw house and put the bike.. Than we also got drink water.. Drink liao, me and sister walk go bbc.. Than saw everybody at there.. Sister and gm go home liao.. I at there talking to joanna they all.. Talk liao, i ask them to send me to the bridge.. REach home lerh.. Think that i can relax.. End up i got no peace.. Ah ma at there nag and nag.. Non stop nagging.. Hear already, my ear will burst.. Actually i wanted to go down derh.. But she don't allow me to go.. So i now at home lorh.. So siian.. No cig smoke lorh..

2009-03-23T21:04:00.000-07:00

Today will be very siian lorh... Later might be going down meet sister... Yesterday night quarrel with my step-mum.. Fuck siia.. Talk until very guan lan arh!!! I hate her to the core siia.. She say i keep on taking money from my grandmother..!!! What the fuck larh!!!!!! I never lorh.. Than is she ownself give me $15.. The bytch says that i took $50 siia!! What the fuck man..!!!!!! Anyhow talk.. Later i ask Alex come talk to you arh!!!!! CB kia!!!!! Everything say that i give trouble at home.. Than your son and daughter never give me trouble at home meh?? You work, you got see how naughty is your children or not??!! Everytime only know how to say me.. Than your own children is always a treasure to you lorh.. next time you need me to help you take care of your children, i won't help derh lorh.. By the time i already go and rent a room and faster move out of the house arh!!! See your face i very siian liao.. Everytime hear you liam keng hear until my ear very pain siia!!!

2009-03-22T21:43:00.000-07:00

Yo!! Back to blogging again.. :) Today off so i can post blog lorh.. Haha.. :) Stupid alex yesterday call and call me.. While i'm watching tv... Than ask me wanna meet or not.. I scold him siiao.. So late liao meet what shit?? Idiot.. He only want to waste my time and my prepaid money lorh.. :( Later i go his house punch him arh..

2009-03-19T21:11:00.000-07:00

Hiie :) I'm back again to block lorh.. lol.. Siian nothing to lei.. Sick for two days lerh.. I think i goanna quit my job.. Not feel happy, feel left out.. and everything.. Work long than i know the people there.. But never work no money to spend... Actually today not sick derh lorh.. Is i don't feel like going to work.. feel like throwing out my resignation letter.. I HATE ESTHER.!!!! She think she very big arh!!!! Knna.. CB KIIA!! Going to promote to Trainee AM liao.. Very big larh... !!! Don't let me find something to quarrel with you lorh.. Or not i sure sut you until very jialat derh hor.. Don't think you want to promote liao, i scared of you lorh.. Sorry lorh... I don't care how others think or say about me.. But if it's was you, i sure let you go out no face see people derh..!! Think what?? You scold me, means i must listen iszit?? I also don't want hear you talk crap lorh!!! Sometime you talk to me so guan lan.. Wait only... !!! I sure will take my revenage derh lorh... Last time when you haven't promote, your body so weak.. Now promote already, body not weak anymore.. Wa you know how to do magic iszit.. Eh teach me lei.. Everytime say want to resign.. End up why never resign?? Because you say this word resign, you just want to let everybody know that you want to resign liao.. So that the higher person know, will promote you.. But if i was the boss of the restaurant, i won't promote you derh.. I will immediately kick you out.. Ask you go find other job... Hahaha:)

2009-03-19T05:45:00.000-07:00

Back to blogging again.. Now one day must post twice.. Because later busy cannot post again lorh.. Going back to sleep again lei.. Today never go work, because not feeling well.. Haiis, siian now got no money liao.. Waiting for someone to return money to me.. Still haven't return.. :( The someone says no money to return now..!! Than got money to buy new phone!! Fuck you larh!! CB kiia!!! Bored bored bored.. Nothing to do at home siia.. No ciggarette smoke..!! Too tiring this few days... Stop blogging here..

2009-03-19T02:29:00.000-07:00

Back to posting blog.. So long never post blog lerh.. Sorry because recently was busy with my work.. Heart really aches when i see Alex.. As i don't know how to face him or talk to him. Just now in the afternoon he gave me 3 miss calls and 6 messages.. He kept on asking me for patch.. But i don't want.. I don't know why.. I LOVE HIM, I MISS HIM, WITHOUT HIM I'M A FAILURE.. But i just don't know why.. I think is because of his mum.. Am i that bad?? Or even worse that his mum also doesn't like me.. Haiis.. :( Wei she me xiang ai de ren bu neng gou zai yi qi... Don't know what to say liao.. Just miss the days when we're together.. Alots of memories that ni can't forget...

2009-02-27T18:26:00.000-08:00

Why can't i forget about you?? Tell me what to do can?? I'm trying not to think of you. But somehow when the time i flip up my phone, i feel like calling you or message you asking how are you.. Why?? You very big meh??? Why must i think of you?? When i message you to ask you to return me my money, my heart really feel pain. Haiis :( I already tried my best to forget you, but i still can't...

2009-02-23T18:36:00.000-08:00

Yo!! Back to blogging again.. So long never post blog liao don't know what to write lorh... So very siian lorh.. Yesterday after work go find baby. Than at there he keep disturbing me lorh.. Never give me peace to eat my dinner.. Keep saying he want to eat.. I pity him, give him eat. Ask him don't eat all.. End up also eat finish... Than i only eat a little.. Cb larh!!! :( Than i don't want talk to him, he give me lan jiao face.. I also got bring crackers.. I brought two packet.. I actually wanted to eat derh.. End up he finish two packets while i went to his house the toilet... :( I was very angry.. Than don't want talk to him liao... He still give me the lan jiao face.. I keep laughing and laughing.. Than cannot angry liao.. The friend there also at us.. Very pei seh lorh... After that he send me home... when i go into the lift, than he also want to go up, i quickly press the close button but still he got the strength to open the door..

2009-02-10T17:56:00.000-08:00

I don't wanna hurt you anymore.. I think this time we should really end this relationship.. Since you already said that i'm killing you, destroying you.. I'm really very sorry for what i have done to you... :( But if you think by dying, you will solve all the problems than go ahead ba... It's not i wanna you die.. But you everytime say that i'm immature, but you lei?? Also the same.. A person whom want to die just because they having problems, i think they are stupid.. And a person whom borrowed money from LOAN SHARKS, they really stupid too!!! I'm sorry to add on burdens for you... But i really can't help you. It's not i don't want lorh... Up to you larh... If you think dying can solve everything, than just go ahead.. If you think that evrything happened is my fault, than i'll let you go... Sometimes i think that god are playing my happiness.. Where and when or how i know who is mine?? What you really want from me?? I LOVE you so much yet you don't trust me liao.. I'M REALLY TRYING TO CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-02-06T17:58:00.000-08:00

It seems like you make me feel that your feelings has fade for me lerh... Yesterday sorry i let you wait for me so long.... Sorry.. :( But some how i still think it's unfair... You angry, but you think of my feelings?? I admit my fault i let you wait for me so long.. But me lei?? Because i scared you got no money eat, from marina go all the way to orchard though it's quite near.. End up i don't have any single cent for myself to eat.. Plus i'm having gastric pain... I did not say i'm very noble.. But least i want something good come back to me... You keep saying i did not contributed into this relationship.. But for me, feel that i did contributed but i know i did not contributed more than you... Than what you want?? Baby i'm tired.. But no matter how i tell you that i'm tired, you seem not to be bothered... That time i went down orchard just to give you 10 bucks, you keeping saying sorry.. But some how i did not feel any sorry from you... Sometimes i need you to be right beside me, where are you?? When i'm sick, where are you?? It's not i don't understand your feeling that you have to work... But the point is you're giving the feeling that work is much more important that you can negleact me....... i'm really tired lerh...

Someday, Oneday, i might let you off...

Not because you're not good.

Is because i'm not good enough for you.

You're a nice and perfect guy.. :)

But somehow you make me feel that you have change..

Change totally..

Change into a person that i have never known..

Maybe it's because of my pressence.

2009-02-02T03:05:00.000-08:00

Why?? you wanna treat me in this way?? You must see me jealous than you happy iszit??? Two days ago you called me.. We talk for a few mins. You told me that you coming down after work.. I was very happy.. :) Because i thought you coming down to fetch me.. End up.. :( Haiis.. You said that you coming down not to fetch me... You come down to fetch the two china gurls.. I trust you.. But as a gurl i will be jealous too.. And you bought two pocky biscuit for her... :( It's ok because as i know you buy for a colleage.. But still i will jealous one... Why?? Because i am your girlfriend... And i love you... You ask me to take one box home.. Do you know why i don't want to take?? Because i want you to buy both box for me.. I don't like to share.. You can say that i am selfish... I don't care even.. And you ask me to take care of them for you.. Who are they to you?? Or who am i to them??? As a colleage i will take care of them because they just step in to MS.. But who are you to them?? Why must you personally ask me to take care of them.. Plus i'm your girlfriend..!!! Than one of them today off.. Yesterday your reaction was so big just because her name is on the station plan.. Why must you ask me find the schedule for you??? And i said i want to punch out my card, but you said find the schedule is much important.. Becaus eyou want to see whether is she working or not.... To me is like you are much more concern about her than me.. Because yesterday i drop two shoyu bottle.. But you continue to smoke outside with Mr Jeffery... Habibur is the first person to come and help me pick up the glass pieces.. And Mr Devon was the first one to come and see whether am i alright or not.. You lei?? Where are you?? Smoking...... Did you think of me or not...?? You know how pain is my heart yesterday?? Until i talk to myself on the way walking to the MRT station.. Did you really go and think how much pain i feel yesterday?? Is just that i don't want to ask or say so much... Because i trust you...

2009-01-29T19:09:00.000-08:00

Baby can you don't go to Hongkong??? Can you??? If you go liao i got no one here for me when i'm down.. You promise me that no matter what you won't leave me alone here... Promise me liao cannot break it... If you know now will become like this you shouldn't have promise me lorh... Can i go with you??? I don't want you to be so far away from me... I really hope you will stay beside me always.. You go liao cvomfirm very long period.. Than me how?? You tell me larh...!!! You really bear to leave me alone here.....

DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE WILL YOU?????????

2009-01-26T19:42:00.000-08:00

Why is this things happening to me again and again?? I really tell him the truth liao, he still don't believe me.. I today really finish my duty at about 10.30 Than after that i also really went to eat supper with Nicole, Choy yen and Yiyang.. I lie to you all this for what?? I also gain nothing.. Plus i already told you that i won't lie to you liao.. And i gonna change myself.. What do you really expect from me?? Sorry i forgot to call you to tell you that i going to eat supper with them... But did you also think of my feelings or not?? That time you went to Chinatown eat chinese food with your colleages, did you tell me?? When i call you than you tell me.. The same thing what.. I really don't what you want from me.. I already go and try to fullfil your requirements.. At least i reach home, i did call you... That time you went out to eat, reach home also never call me.. Call you so many times never pick up.. I also worry about you..!!! Than that few days you get to eat.. me lei?? 3 days never eat.. The next day get tips from yen yen than i got money to eat... Or else i'll go hungry for 4 days.. You also never ask me whether i eat liao marh.. Only yesterday.. But i was happy that you ask me.. Sometimes i really Don't know what are you thinking in your mind.. Plus you did not even tell me at all.. Did you really treat me as your girlfriend?? Am i a transparent plastic to you?? Yesterday we did meet up.. I came from marina all the way to your house there, you reach liao.. Sit down for a while and talk.. Thats all. Yes, it might be i'm the one saying don't know where to go.. But at least i just hope i can accompany you for while only.. reach liao, sit down down for awhile, than ask me wait for bus to go home.. I know you're tired after work.. I'm also tired but i did not complain.. Because at least i can get to see you awhile.. I'm happy already.. But you did not let me accompany you as you said you're tired so i did not ask you anything liao.. You ask me to think of you more.. I really did.. Unless you did not feel it.. Baby i love you so much.. Why are you treating me in this way?? I really don't understand lorh.. Iszit because i'm irritating?? I really don't know.. If i am than next time i don't go disturb you liao... Don't want the same thing to happen again.. I'm sorry if i troubled you alot.. I know you are already so stress about work and i add on to your burden.. :( I'm really very sorry.. This is all i can say and that is sorry.. I didn't mean it derh.. If you really feel that i'm giving you too much burden than i rather leave you than seeing you getting hurt by me... Hope you can forgive me for whatever i've done to you... :( Sorry baby.. :(

2009-01-23T19:06:00.000-08:00

Yesterday work until like one crazy gurl lorh.. haha.. :) Run here run there like one mad woman lorh.. Than after work go home.. Took mrt back.. After that reach home, change clothes.. Change clothes liao, eat supper.. Eat liao than call baby.. Yesterday after he put down i've been calling him.. Just want to know whether he reach home lerh marh... Becasue he told me that he and his colleages go chinatown eat lorh... Than me lei?? He got think i haven't eat or not?? Also never ask i eat lerh marh.. He enjoy his food can liao lorh.. No need to think of me derh... Than today wake suay arhh.. Give Ah ma scold.. Ask me why i take out my pay and spend.. Because of him now i don't have any single cent to eat liao... I give up alot of things for him.. why does he still have doubts on me?? I really don't know why... In this house i'm already tired lerh... Hope i can faster move out...!!! Tell me what to do can?? My own money i also cannot spend... I'm really very tired liao larh.. Chinese new year no ang bao than don't have larh... !!! Big FUCK arh..!!!!! I don't need your money lorh... I still can survive without your money...!!!

2009-01-21T17:57:00.000-08:00

Yesterday work until very tired lorh.. At night i at station C... Wa very messy.. Must be fast derh lorh.. Cannot slow slow derh.. Than break time, go sakae sushi eat buffet with Jasmine and Lx.. Walan, we order alot lorh. End up cannot finish.. Than Jasmine help me put back one plate to the belt.. Haha. The service staff don't know lorh.. Than we also ordered temaki.. My califonia temaki eat half way, than i just throw on the floor.. Also no people see... Haha.. Than all the sushi rice, we stack the plates together than smash the rice... Also no people see.. We only eat finish all the fried food... We forget that they also include red plate, or not i order salmon sashimi liao... Miss baby so much...:) Many days never see him lerh.. Hope can see him soon...

2009-01-20T02:17:00.000-08:00

Back to blogging again lorh... :) So bored cannot come out siia!! After 1/2/09 i'll be missing my sister lorh.. Cannot meet her liao.. only got 5 days off in 1 month siiaa!! Need money so BADLY BADLY lorh!!!!!!!! Today work till 4 niia.. So boring... Called baby just now.. Than his voice totally change lorh.. He sick lei.. Sorry baby cannot accompany you.... Haiis :( Promise me must rest early and drink more water... Walan really very siian lorh...!! At home also cannot SMOKE...

I really wanna ask him whether his work or me, which

one more important!!! Should i just let him go??

But i love him so much that i can't bear to leave him lorh..

Tell me what to do can???? Very confusing..

Alex ask me to patch with him.. I really don't know lorh..

That time whatever william say to me, it really aches

my heart... Akex never ever talk to me like that lorh...

Lead me lord...

By the light of the truth....

Really very confusing!!!!!

I don't know whether should i patch with Alex lei..

But if i patch with him, i will hurt william..

I never patch with him, i let him wait for me for 1 yr..

Tell me... who is the one that i want????

2009-01-18T23:40:00.000-08:00

some day, one day i might let you go.... tired of being tied up and everything that i have put up... I'm sorry that you have a stupid and immature girlfriend over here.. that don't know how to think before doing things.. :( Thanks for everything that you have given me.. But to think that sometimes you also never tell me things that are on your mind.. But whatever things that are on my mind i tell you.. If you never tell me how am i going to understand you?? I really don't know what are you thinking sometimes.. What i do to gain back your trust...?? tell me please.. I really don't know what i have done wrong already... ??? Haiis :(

2009-01-18T17:34:00.000-08:00

I don't know why do you still have doubts on me lorh?!? Haiis :( What have i done wrong?? About yesterday thing, i admit i'm in the wrong.. But you don't have to say me in the public what!! What others might think?? Than you lei?? Did you think of me?? I also admit that i did not contribute much more than you contributed... I'm sorry that you have a stupid and silly girlfriend over here, sometimes do things never use brain derh!! Sorry.. :( You have things on your mind, but you choose not to tell me... Than you take me as your what?? Ya maybe you might think that tell me also no use i won't understand.. How you know?? You never say how am i going to understand you?? You ask me to tell you whatever i'm doing, but you didn't... Than i what?? Transparent huh?? Sometimes i really got think am i your girlfriend?? I really don't know larh... Up to you whether you wanna believe me or not?? Yesterday off also never tell me... Just come down like that how would i know what you want..

2009-01-17T17:30:00.000-08:00

I really hate myself.. I also don't know why. :(

Haiis... Just now call him, He like don't feel like talking to me lorh.

Iszit i very irritating?? I really

don't know lorh... Just now afternoon he called

up waraku ms to look for me.. He ask me not don't go down... I

already plan to give him the $30 derh.. Iszit

because he don't want to see me?? Sometimes i feel that

he like don't want to meet me lorh... Iszit because i gave him too

much pressure?? I really don't know what to do!!! :( haiis

I feel that our relationship drifting apart.. Some

how i felt that we are near but it seems like it's going to be

drifting far away from me.. Can anyone tell me what to do?? I feel tired

and stress... Baby i really LOVE you ALOT!! Please don't leave me again.. I know

you don't have the choice to choose whether you want to go or don't want.. but i really hope that you don't have to go.. If not you're leaving me alone in this world.. Without

you here, my life really torn into pieces.. Though you're going for a few years only

i still can't eat, sleep and work properly.. Baby, you promise me derh..

You say you won't leave me no matter what happens... You can't because of work,

than break your promise lorh!!! Baby if you really have to go, bring me along too.....

Iwanna stick with you where ever you go..

2009-01-14T22:42:00.000-08:00

Why do still have doubts on me??? You may think i'm lying to you........ What ever you wanna think go ahead larh..!!! I'm really tired already... Maybe i've not enough for you to be happy... :( Maybe you should go find other better half than me.. Go back to your ex lorh.. Since you and her still got contact.. I'm transparent de marh!!! I'm useless de marh!!! I'm hopeless too..!!! Don't have to help me speak to mr jeffrey.. I'll speak to him myself.. I don't you to help me decide...!! I don't want to study or still want to study is my problem..!! You don't need to bother at all!!! I won't appreciate your kindness de.. Thanks!!! Go and take care of yourself!!! Don't bother about me... Since i already can't gain back your trust.... I've been trying to change myself... But it seems like whatever i do or say, you will always don't like.. I don't need you to buy the phone for me.. I have legs and hands.. Can earn money and buy.. I don't want later people say that i'm after your money or whatsoever...

2009-01-14T18:06:00.000-08:00

2009-01-14T17:08:00.000-08:00

I'm so sad yesterday lorh.. :( Actually i just now afternoon very happy de lorh.. But it seems like he still have doubts on me... Whatever i do i tell him, whatever i not happy i also tell him.. But he lei?? he only tell me there's lots of things on his mind. But he didn't tell me what happen... Sometimes i was wondering, who am i to him... Girlfriend, friend or just an outsider?? That time he came to marina square to fetch me after work. We sat down and talk, he told me about things that he is going to be promoted and about his Hongkong trip... i was really happy he told me... But at the same time i was guessing that i might be the last person to know ba... And i remember that it was my turn to go and fetch him from work, on the way to the bus stop.. he was like calling someone... And him/her that his comfirmation letter came... But he didn't tell me.. He rather tell other than telling to his girlfriend... I guess so ba... :( Am i a transparent plastic to him?? And he also might think that i did not contribute to this relationship.. Yes i admit i did not contribute as much as he contribute.. I'm sorry that i did not do my part as a good girlfriend... I always feel myself very useless.. When he need my help i can't even help him.. But some how i also must say lots of thanks to him.. For being beside me when i need him.. And still supporting me to continue to study, instead of asking me to quit school.. Baby i really love you... You really make me feel happy always, though we did quarrel... He really fill my empty cup with joy.. :) He is the one whom i wanna spend my whole entire life with.. I'm really grateful for what you have done for me this past few months.. :) Thanks alot baby... Thanks for giving me chance to change .. :) I hope he did feel that i change my attitude.. tHough not that much, I will continue to work hard , to gain back your trust on me..

LOVE YOU ALWAYS!!! :)

again....

2009-01-11T17:13:00.000-08:00

Again he has things which he must tell me.. end up he also never tell me.. that time he told me lerh.. but he told me that all not comfirm.. but why comfirmation letter come liao he never tell me??? Haiis... sometimes did feel a bit unfair.... i already trying my best to be a good girlfriend.. but he still keep some distance away from me??? why?? my birthday was yesterday.. never celebrate for me nor wish me 'happy birthday'... his birthday i celebrate for him... i thought he would he took off and accompany me... i don't need anything from him de... i just need his accompany thats all... but i did not get it.. :( sometimes i just feel that why don't i know him earlier?? tell me how to forget him????????????????? i'm really confuse larh!!!!! i'm really tired liao.............

I'M JUST A GIRL HEADING TO NO WHERE..

A GIRL WHOMS LIFE IS IN A MESS NOW!!!

LOVE HIM IS HER MOST WONDERFUL THING IN THE WORLD

BUT SOMEHOW SHE FEELS A BIT LEFT OUT BY HIM!!!

Taught that he would tell me the truth

2009-01-09T18:46:00.000-08:00

It seems like whatever on his mind, he don't wish to tell me.. yesterday i was so happy he came and fetch me.. i was really happy.. after that we on one corner to talk.. he told me that he is comfirmed by the boss that he is going to be a supervisor.. but what i heard is not like that.... what i heard is that he is going to be promoted to a higher position than a manager.. i don't know whether is true or not.. and yesterday he did told me about the hongkong trip... i ask him is he really going to hongkong? his replied was don't know.... i was thinking, is he going to leave me alone in this world and go for his trip??? haiis i really don't know lorh.. if really wants to go, than go lorh.. he happy can lerh.. i really don't know larh.. things keep flashing through my mind.. i really don't know what to do... life sux nowdays....

Sorry

2009-01-08T17:20:00.001-08:00

I'm really sorry for whatever i have done to you.. :( I'm really trying hard to change myself.. But i don't know why you still have doubts on me... Haiis :( Iszit when i lied to you the last time than now cannot turn back the clock like how we use to be?? This time i really don't know what i have to him, to make angry... Haiis :( i just hope tomorrow he can accompany me lorh... he yesterday angry with me.. i said a lot of things.. i was like thinking.. why whatever i do, i have to tell him.. but whatever he is doing now he never tell me.. like he said that i yesterday worked till 4, but i didn't tell him.. than that time he off he also never tell me.. don't have phone means don't need to tell lerh meh?? than goingto be promoted alsp never tell me.. Am i really his girlfriend?? or iszit since the day we broke than patch again.... things really change a lot... :( his feelings really fade for me lerh marh??? i really don't know larh... he happy can liao lorh... i got nothing to say lerh.. everything is he decide jiu can lerh..

Finally :)

2009-01-05T21:21:00.000-08:00

What day is today huh?? So happy lorh.. haha.. First william called me lorh.. Than after that the ite people call me and tell me i'm shortlisted lorh.. Hahahahahahaha... :) I'm so happy today :).. Finally lorh... I thought my appeal will not be successful lei.. End up it's a surprise lorh... Wow!!! So long never have this type of happy feeling lerh lorh.. Some is the course that i wanted lei.. Haha.. Must get a present from my parents.. HAHA..!!! Joking lorh.. They will buy the sky drop down siia.. I just can't wait to tell william this lorh.. Don't know how will he react lorh.. Wa i really dam happy lei.. I didn't know i can make this far..... I am a girl who can't study and everything... But end up i get good results.. Surprisingly lorh.. HEHEHE.. So good siia.. This type of feeling really feel good.. OMG!!!

I'm a transparent plastic..

2009-01-02T19:57:00.000-08:00

It seems like he has a lot of things hiding from me.. Last time i'm the one and now him.. What?? Iszit revenage?? I hope not.. I really miss you so much.. All my friends ask me to break with him and forget about him.. How to?? Ya it may seems i'm the one that wanted to say to him break.. But i can't do it... Yesterday he off, he never tell me.. If i didn't call heeren, when i finish work i go find himj liao.. Than if is not my friend who told me that he going to hongkong than i think now i still don't know lorh.. Haiis :( I really don't know lorh.. Sometimes i really gopt think iszit because of our age gap or iszit because i don't understand hi more than he ubderstand me thats why our relationship becaome like that.. I also got lealous of his ex wife.. Why does he still contact her?? Am i really that transparent?? Why as i'm his grilfriend i can't buy him a ipod?? I feel that i'm a very useless girlfriend lorh.. Everything also don't know.. Can anyone tell me what to do?? If he really intend to go hongkong??? Just now i was waiting for him to tell me about his trip to hongkong.. But on the phone he like pretend nothing happen lorh.. Than i aslo purpoesly cough on the phone but he like no reaction.. He just only say bye to me.. Haiis :( Baby you're the one fill my cup with joy, when i'm dry.. But i took a fall for you, without you knowing.. I really LOVE YOU alot.. You're always MY DEAREST BOY!! No one can even replace you.. Because you're the only person in my heart that I LOVE!!

lonely gurl

2008-12-27T20:05:00.000-08:00

It seems like me and my 7 years sister, doesn't seems to be like sisters lorh.. :( Now days she like got things never tell me.. Than only tell huiling.. Haiis.. :( That time when i came down ubi, than at night she and huiling they all go one corner talk... never ask me along.. I mean is like she and me is 7 years but she like got things hiding from me lorh.. Last time she not like that de lorh.. Everything will tell me de... Now me and her sistership seems to me drifting too.. William?? Haiis ;( I don't know lorh... I want to help him through financial.. But me, myself can't even help myself... My financial also not even stable.. Still have to buy back my lost phone.. Than save money for him to rent a room lorh.. Now i'm lonely... Don't know where am i heading too.. Just feeling lost and no secure lorh.. my life use to be filled with only black and white colour.. Than it became colourful.. But now it turns to black and white again.. Tell me what to do can?? Haiis :( I feel that i'm very useless lorh...

2008-12-25T20:44:00.000-08:00

The day at Waraku D N D i was totally drunk.. Drunk till i don't know what am i doing...

2008-12-25T20:32:00.000-08:00

Can anyone tell me what to do?? I'm really confused.. He called me.. And said we are actually not totally off.. Got this type of resons de meh?? Why?? Why?? Why when i wanna give up on you, i will think of you?? i already try very hard to go and live on my own life.. Why you still come and disturb me?? If you think whatever i have text you, is rubbish i have nothing to say.. If you really think i'm this type of person only mouth talk but never do it.. Than you're wrong lorh... I don't need you to do things for me.. I just want you to be with me.. Do you know i already decided to give you up?? decided to give up everything that you given me?? including your love too.. It really aches my heart.. Why i don't want to contact you.. Is because i scared when we get back together again i'll hurt you again..

Memories

2008-12-23T22:16:00.000-08:00

On 12 December 2008 i woke up about 11 plus.. Than called parveen.. Meet her at her house downstairs lorh.. After that accompany her to pasir ris lorh.. Than took a cab down to Heeren to meet him for a while. Waited for him outside the entrance. Than suddenly need toilet.. Went in to the mall. Thought that there is ladies. In the end, don't have. Because i saw the sign board, it says "Ladies on the other floors". What the hell larh.. End up i walk out and wait for him to come out. We headed to Taka and eat Mac. Haiis ;( I really don't know what he angry for? :( Am i really very bad, useless, hopeless and selfish? I really don't know what to do now... Because of him i quarrelled with my parents, because of him i can give him my money and i don't eat... I didn't say it's his fault. I already promise him lerh.. Plus i also don't want to see him get into trouble... :( Baby i really love you alot. Sorry i hurt you so much.. I know saying sorry, no use de. I know i have hurt you alot. I'm really trying to change and think of you more. I really don't know why i just can't gain back your trust on me?? Iszit because last time i use to lie to you alot thats why now you don't trust me?? Am i really bad?? Sometimes i really feel that our relationship drifting further and further.. I don't know how to explain.. It seems like you have alot of doubts on me.. I use to hurt you, lie to you and make you angry. I also know you have given me a lot of chance to change myself. But i won't keep ;ying to you what.. I will change de.. Do you know that sometimes you work and i off, i feel bored without your accompany?? I know you can't request your off. But i really miss you badly.. Miss the days when we went out together almost everyday. I really hope you'll give me chance to change myself. And hope you will give me a support. I really need it.. I need your presence too.

Misses

2008-12-22T20:21:00.000-08:00

I was together with him for 5 months.. and break during the day i getting my results.. Haiis :( What did i really done?? i wanna give up on him but when the time i wanna forget him i tend to think of him more than i wanna forget him.. Please tell me what to do can?? I'm really confuse.. i love him.. but i scared that when i patch back with him, i will continue the same thing again than we break again.. i really don't know larh...